"My Father/My Husband" by David J. Lawless

"My Father/My Husband" reads almost like a short story. It is by David J. Lawless, former president of St. Mary's University College and St. Francis Xavier University and describes his daily life with his wife, who suffers from Alzheimer's and dementia. She has severe memory loss and frequently does not recognize her husband. The piece artfully employs repetition to communicate the ongoing troubles occurring in their household. Every night while her husband is making dinner, the wife asks if her father is coming, and her husband reminds her that her father died forty-five years ago. She usually confuses her father and her husband, believing her husband to be her father at times, and projecting features of her husband's life and personality onto her memory of her father. Thus, the title. There is also repeated description of the husband being woken by his wife at four in the morning to answer questions about who he is, who their children are, and where they all live.  A lot of dialogue is used to display the couple's interactions, which is part of what makes the piece read like a story, but also what helps build the reality of the characters. This piece definitely appeals to the reader's emotions; the struggles of the couple are sad and despairing, but the end delivers a bit of hope. Despite the difficulties, their love still allows them to have a life together. At the end of the essay, the wife and husband have this conversation: "'Where is my husband?' 'I am your husband. Here, give me a kiss.' 'You are not my husband. I never had a husband.' 'Yes, I am.' He taps his cheek and leans toward her. She kisses his cheek and they both smile," (Lawless 206). That seems to be the message here: love is stronger then the disease, and allows life to go on despite the obstacles. This essay gives a very real portrayal of living day-to-day with a loved one affected by Alzheimer's and memory loss. However, it achieves the purpose of reminding the reader that life is more than it's struggles; their love makes their life possible and worthwhile.

The dialogue and its repetition creates reality and appeals to the emotions. (Image from ceartas.org.uk)